My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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