Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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