Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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