How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
