I heard we made out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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