I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
