I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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