I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
