Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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