He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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