I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
