im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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