Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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