I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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