I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
