Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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