i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
