They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
