Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
