Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
vagina is talking i cant
She tied me up with her honor cords...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
