On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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