Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize