$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg I joined a choir last night...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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