omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
