Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
