i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
