my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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