we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
