I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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