She announced her abortion via fbk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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