i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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