I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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