I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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