how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize