I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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