nut hugger
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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