im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
