i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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