I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
