your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
