Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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