It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My liver just broke up with me...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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