I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
