So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
