I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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