im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
