I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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