I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
