you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
