Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
