i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i drank out of a bidet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
