So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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