dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize