I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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