I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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