She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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