weddingsv make me drug and hornr
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
