you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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