Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
