so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
