Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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