According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
