i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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