she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
