just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
