Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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