My brain says no but my pants say off.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
