thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
