We're facebook friends in real life
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
