you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
