Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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