He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
